Chapter 12

My daughter son in law and grand kids bought me a puppy that year for Mother’s Day. He promised me a puppy and my daughter gave me one in a sense for him. She became by cuddle buddy my tear catcher and my bed partner. I missed going out on the Harley so I began driving the little Honda he bought me to learn on to get my confidence up to ride again. Party’s picnics and the cancer event I hosted every year took up some of my time. Kids birthday parties and babysitting filled in Some of the gaps. That summer I had my first birthday without him and that fall I cried on his. The holidays just sucked – can’t think of another word to use. Then our anniversary came – I didn’t cry I wailed. Again screaming at God for his loss and wanting time to pass so I could heal. The first year of his death was rough but the second was rougher. People didn’t call in January (our anniversary) in February 7th on his birthday in October or other days that had significance connected to him. I was truly lonely. I went on dates had fun but couldn’t commit to a relationship. A red tailed hawk who I never seen before his death sat on my fence and stared in the house. I believe he was sent to check on me. On the second anniversary of his death while walking out grandson the hawk swooped down and screamed at me. Circled and came back to a screech at the Top of its lungs at me then left. I was saddened but tried not to show how much my heart hurt. After coming into my daughters home I told her about the hawk and said I wondered what he was trying to tell me. My daughter told me that she just found out that she was pregnant (her husband didn’t know – I was the first to be told) and due on her fathers birthday. We cried and I remember saying that this baby would make the 11th of October a happy day once again.

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