Down the rabbit hole

Well it’s happened  well maybe.  I’ve become a person who never fights for myself.  I will fight like hell for those I love but never for me. It’s a place of self hatred. It’s a room filled with misinformation and I have allowed it.  

What bothers me is I could solve or have tried to solve issues and have made them worse. I stop explaining and allow whatever is said to be people’s truths about me. It hurts but I’m the author by not wanting to fight.  Funny I will do anything for others but not for me. My world is the weirdest of weird designed by my silence. 

I’m wrapped by a non vocal fence roped with the barbs of words and still silence is my defense.  

I’m like the rabbit who runs to her hole – it’s dark cold and decorated with what I know and others don’t. It’s not warm and safe it’s desolate by my design. I’ve tried but it’s my reality my life my truths not heard. Yes I’ve done wrong – nothing horrible but yes I’ve not been a Saint but who has?  

Sorry isn’t enough I don’t tell I allow hurtful things to be said I walk away. No one asks they allow me to making me believe I’m not worth it   

So back in with my head poking out occasionally to see what else I’ve done without a word I’m down the rabbit hole

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