The happiest time of the year??

So the turkey is cooked consumed and I’ve had enough. Pies gobbled down with whipped cream and all the stuffing I can handle. The Christmas tree is up, lights on the house and electric candles shine in each and every window. It looks perfect peaceful and you would think all is on track for the perfect holiday season. You’d think.

I’ve been for the last five Christmases a widow. I have to watch my pennies and live on a budget so I can keep my home. I am scared of the holidays. I love my family and friend but I’m ashamed at the level of gifts I give. Believe me I’ve never been told by anyone that they were disappointed in their presents. I have placed this burden on myself.
I miss going to get that perfect gift for that special someone. I now have a dollar amount to spend and find something that is suitable. My list is short and my budget is even smaller.

I yearn for the day that I can just be happy again to shop for the holidays. I panic at the thought that I’ve forgotten someone and need to trudge back out to the store. I want to have a genuinely happy season. I do try. But in the end I believe I want what I considered “normal” back again.

So with every bit of glee I can gather, a smile on my face, and a rapid heartbeat that hides my fear I wish you and your families a wonderful holiday season

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