Endless minutes turned into hours. My daughters eyes were so big taking in all what was going on with her dad. She was just as frightened as I was maybe if possible more. A decision was made to call his mother brothers and sisters to tell them of his illness. Before they came it happened again – his heart stopped. Again with much proficiency the doctors and nurses began CPR administering drugs and he was once again back. Off to do MRIs CAT scans more blood work. I felt as if I was part of a very bad video game. Machines beeped and then there was the reports that kept coming back from blood work and other test. They addressed me as Mrs. I’m sorry one time his kidneys are failing. Next I’m sorry his liver is failing. One nurse God bless her gave me hope to transport him to a major hospital that took the most serious cases. They said no. She gave me the number and said I should go home and get some rest I would need it. I took her advice and the number and made my way home. I called the number at 4:30am and spoke to a male nurse who was angered that I had the number and said the my husband had been turn down for their help. I was just getting into bed when the phone rang Mom get up I’m on my way to get you. My daughters friend who was a nurse had heard a code being called and wanted to know if she could do anything for her. He one more time without me being there was brought back When we arrived we saw that they had shocked his heart this time to start it. He was so swollen and looked so very ill. The doctor came in and said that his lungs were failing along with his heart kidneys and liver. The question I never thought I would ask blurted out “would he be able to get through this and would his mental capacity be as it was before”. She just looked and with one word broke my heart. “No”. It was 5am February 7.2010. I was taught what I thought I already knew very well. I learned desperation The kind when you have no control over a situation. The kind that takes your breath away the kind you always hope is never yours to bear the kind you pray that doesn’t ever happen to you. The kind you can only imagine and pray you never experience.